• Tan Elise

My Testimony -- How I came to know God

Updated: Aug 29, 2021

‎"If you abide in My Word, you are My disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." - John 8:31 - 32

Converting to a christian was something I used to think was impossible. Because my parents are buddhist/ taoist and I grew up attributing all the blessings I have to Guan Yin.

Yet, I was proven wrong. As I step into my identity as a child of God, like the verse John 8:31, I felt I was finally set free. I used to let my career title and salary and achievements define me. I used to compare myself to others. As I leave all these behind and embrace myself and anchor myself to serve God, I feel this sense of inner peace that is hard to describe using words.

But the journey I took to come to know God was full of trials and tribulations.

In 2019, at the age of 33, I thought that I had it all figured out in life. I thought I had married the right guy, a job that I loved and a cute baby daughter. Little do I know that year, my life would crumble into pieces and I would have to face my deepest fear of rejection and to question everything in my life-- my self identity, my capabilities and my loved ones.

I gave birth to my daughter in May 2019 and my life started to change mysteriously. It's interesting that her name is Claire, which means clear or bright in French and that year, I started to gain clarity in my life.

Then, I started to see sequence of numbers, beginning first with 11:11 on the clock (I would look at my phone or the clock at 11.11am or 11.11pm exactly) and then 222, 333 and so on. I tried to search for the meaning of these numbers on the web at first, which I identified as "angel numbers". The meaning of those numbers usually was appropriate to my situation or how I felt at that time. I shrugged it off, as I was so tired all the time and also diagnosed with severe Post Partum Depression (PPD). I thought that all these were pure coincidences.

First becoming Spiritual

Due to my PPD, I was seeing a psychiatrist and he recommended me to watch the motivational videos by Dr Wayne Dyer, a well-known American spiritual author and a motivational speaker. His first book, Your Erroneous Zones, is one of the best-selling books of all time, with an estimated 100 million copies sold to date. One of the first videos I watched was “Be Yourself, Do Not Give Up”.

I watched all the videos I can find and even rewatched several of them over the next 12 months. Dr Wayne Dyer inspired me to become spiritual and I began to question the coincidences in my life, such as the number sequences I was seeing and certain biblical images that came into my mind, such as the Noah's Ark. At the same time, I sought psychological refuge in Dr Wayne Dyer's teachings as my marriage was going downhill.

The life changing moment came when I was leaving the Gynae's clinic after consulting him on my abortion in Dec 2020. (Our marriage deteriorated to a point that my husband didn't even want our second child). I looked at my watch and the time was 4:44 pm. When I searched for the meaning of 444, I learnt that it means that the angels are with me and they are comforting me, sending me support and hope. I wept immediately.

In the Gospel of Luke, the parable is as follows: He told them this parable. "Which of you men, if you had one hundred sheep, and lost one of them, wouldn't leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness, and go after the one that was lost, until he found it? When he has found it, he carries it on his shoulders, rejoicing.

At that time, I knew somehow that the things that were happening to me were not a coincidence but God reaching out to me, as I'm the lost sheep. I started to seek God and one of the first persons I turned to was my friend since 2013. He showed me the videos by Ps Joseph Prince and I started watching it. One coincidence I observed was that I came across a triangle (forgot the details :P) and at night I happened to hear this sermon and coincidentally, Ps Joseph Prince also mentioned about the sacred triangle in marriage, where God is at one of the apexes.

More coincidences

My friend Subin Hong introduced me to Every Nation Church and a lady called Leigh Ambat Ranada. I kept seeing the number sequences 11:11 again before I met her in Feb 2021. I shared with her my journey, in particular the number sequences. She was intrigued, because she is born on 11 November. When she asked me if I would accept Jesus in my life, I agreed right away and she prayed for me. The rest is history.

Experiencing the Holy Spirit

I signed up for the Alpha course by the Church of True Light and began to experience God through the videos I watched over 11 weeks. The most life-changing lesson happened when I went for the Alpha Weekend away. I told my group members that I had been seeing the numbers 11:11 and they prayed this verse over me.

Luke 11:11-13 (NIV): “Which of you fathers, if your son asks for[a] a fish, will give him a snake instead? 12 Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? 13 If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

As they did that, I felt the holy spirit upon me. It felt like a cool breeze that swirled around my hands and I started to "see" light brightening up in the corner of my eyes despite my eyes being shut. My heart began beating so quickly too. It was such a miraculous feeling.

There were so many 'coincidences' that happened after that. There are so many Christian friends-- Brian, Charlene, Charmain, Janet, Kris, Shenzhi, Wayne, and more who stay in my life throughout my life and now I realise why. They are my brothers and sisters in Christ.

Whenever I look back at the past two years, the pain of what I went through is still so raw. But I’m also thankful for the challenges because it gave me the chance to know God and resulted in my metamorphosis. I’m glad that I have not only found myself back, I have gained so much more-- more confidence, strengths that I uncovered, new amazing friends and my Christian faith.

I understand now to surrender to God and let him direct my path. We can’t control the cards that we are dealt with. The goliaths or giants in our life are opportunities to either break us or challenge us to pluck up the courage to look them in the face and overcome them. If we choose the latter, the experience will rebuild us and like a caterpillar, we will emerge out of the cocoon, a transformed and fuller version of ourselves.

111 views0 comments