• Tan Elise

Your Thoughts, Emotions and Choices create your Reality

Link to this Dr Wayne Dyer's video Be Yourself, Do Not Give Up on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yH7UCn8BzJk

I would say watching Dr Dyer's videos was a changing point in my life. My journey to becoming spiritual and more grounded as a person began with watching all of his videos on YouTube and reading some of his books like Your Erroneous Zones, over a year.

My friends in Singapore often asked me who Wayne Dyer is. After sharing it with my friends who are American, I realise he is best known in America. Wayne Walter Dyer (May 10, 1940 – August 29, 2015) was an American self-help and spiritual author and a motivational speaker. His first book, Your Erroneous Zones (1976), the book I read, is one of the best-selling books of all time, with an estimated 100 million copies sold to date. (Read more on Wikipedia). I thank Dr Kit S. Ng, who used to run Center for Psychology for introducing it to me.

When I started watching the videos, in December 2019, I was in a place of great fear -- I doubting myself, my past and what I'm capable of doing. As I looked back, I have always have the feeling that I have lived my life the wrong way, though I never acted on making a change. I was living a life that I think my parents would like me to have or my husband would like me to have. I was not embracing my true self. Perhaps it stemmed from my childhood, as I thought that to 'survive' I need to assimilate with the environment and be liked. This 'survival' skill became ingrained in my subconscious. It influences all my choices in my life.

Choices we make in life make us who we are

At the beginning of the video, Dr Dyer shared that who we are, is the sum total of the choices or decisions we make in life. It sounds like complete common sense, as you wouldn't be having this job if you didn't choose to apply for it, or staying in a home where you are now if you didn't choose to stay there. But the truth is that all the choices we make, make us who we are. It refers to the choice you are making right now, whether to have that bag of chips or not. It makes me realise who important it is to be in the Now, and consciously make each choice. It makes me become conscious that there are consequences in whatever I choose to do.

With that in mind, I stopped going about life in an autopilot mode or looking to people in my life or my environment. I started to look within and uncover the values that I believe in to guide me on my choices and decisions. And with my friend Subin's help, I start to be conscious of my people-pleasing habit. I don't need approval from anyone. All I need to do, is to be myself and choosing to make decisions based on ethics or my values, rather than based on rules.

Making my decisions based on ethics and values, instead of rules or what others think is right.

Success is not a destination, it is what you bring to what you do in everything you do in life

I definitely suffered from the disease called More for most of my life. I define my life by my achievements -- how well I scored for examinations, how quickly I complete an assignment at work, or even how many investors I manage to bring onboard to my network. There is a concept of success that I chase. But the painful truth is that even after I have 'achieved' the success, I have to start chasing another 'success'.

Wayne Dyer shared that if we are always chasing something, we will never arrive in life. We won't be able to stop and celebrate the present and be grateful for what we have now.

This is especially powerful for me because prior to this, I keep telling myself I need to be getting that job at that specific company or acquire that skill so that I would stay competitive. I forget to just relax and be in the moment. To be honest, I didn't change my thinking after listening to this video the first time. It probably took me hearing it over and over again at least 5 times to change my thinking.

I realise that I am enough.

I don't need a million dollars in my bank or a nice sounding title to prove that I am enough.

Definitely, I do oscillate back and forth between the old and the new me. But when I decide to change my mindset, everything in my life changes. The lens I use to see life change from a dark tinted ones to rose tinted ones. I learn to stand still instead of chase. I start to say yes to things only because it is in line with my values and ethics and that it helps to create a better world for all. I start to be true to myself and make decisions with my heart, instead of only my brain :)

Whatever comes my way I know that I would be able to deal with it, as I have everything I need in my life. It just takes a shift in mindset to assemble the solution to solve the problem I face. I now see whatever comes my way, whether good or bad, as a blessing or a lesson to be learnt and feel grateful for it.

Our Thoughts create your reality

Dr Dyer stresses a lot on this in a number of his videos. I don't think that I fully comprehend what that means until I was at a connect group with Kingdom City church and this is what the pastor shared with us:


The self-fulfilling prophecy is real. For example, when we think that we are able to make something happen, we then feel good and that good feelings motivate our actions. That good feelings also rub off well on others.

When I see it this way, I realise how important it is to be conscious of your thinking. It all starts from what we think about. Also, it's so important to stay positive and look for the positive element in everything.

Here's a good article from Psychology Today explaining the concept further.

I encourage you to listen to Dr Dyer's YouTube videos and may you also start to embark on your spiritual journey. It's a beautiful one I promise.

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